Negative self-beliefs, also known as core beliefs, are within all of us. And as neurodivergent people, this problem is even more prevalent for us.

As children—diagnosed or not—the story we got from society was the same: Stop being like that.

After hearing that in a variety of ways from a variety of sources, that weighs on a child’s heart and mind. (This is where masking begins.)

Yes, some of us have had it way worse than others, and it may even seem like some people have never had to deal with negative self-beliefs. But that’s not true.

We all have negative self-beliefs we have to conquer in order to move on in life. The people who seem like they have it all together have simply dealt with theirs already.

So if you feel like you missed out on that opportunity—stay tuned.

Summary

Today, we’re going to conquer your negative self-beliefs.

How, you ask?

Simple:

1. First, we’re going to outline where negative self-beliefs even come from.
2. Then, we’re going to get to the bottom of whether or not it’s your fault.
3. Finally, we’ll go through four ways you can begin conquering your negative self-beliefs today.

Where Do Negative Self-Beliefs Come From?

Now, I’m no doctor, but in my 27 years of lived experience and 7 years of therapy, I’ve learned one thing about negative self-beliefs: They do not come from you.

They usually come from childhood trauma, as that’s when a lot of our inner narrative and self-beliefs were formed.

Even positive self-beliefs come from childhood, and therefore from our parents, caretakers, or major adults in our life from ages 0-7.

Are Negative Self-Beliefs Our Fault?

The simple answer? No.

Since you’re not responsible for who took care of you as a child, there’s no way your existing negative self-beliefs could be your fault.

That being said, now that you’re no longer a child, it is your responsibility to deal with them.

That’s why I’m writing this blog post today.

How To Conquer Negative Self-Beliefs

Now that you know where your negative self-beliefs have come from and the fact that they are not your fault—let’s dig into how to actually work through them and, ultimately, conquer them.

1. Transform The Negatives

The first way you can conquer your negative self-beliefs is a simple two-step process to transform the negatives into positives.

This is the system I use the most, because, well, it’s a system. It doesn’t rely on anybody but myself, and at the end of it, I have a list of positive affirmations I can tell myself every morning before work.

Here’s how it goes:

1. Write down all your negative self-beliefs by answering three questions:
   1. What negative beliefs do I hold about myself?
   2. What scares me about being myself?
   3. What’s the worst that could happen if I start being fully myself?
2. Then, write the exact opposite of those self-beliefs as positive affirmations. For example, “I’m scared I’ll never be liked.” becomes “I’m very likeable.”

After going through this process, you may have a long list of positive affirmations (because you had a long list of negative self-beliefs), and that’s okay!

Now all you have to do is find a place to put these positive affirmations where you’ll see them everyday.

I wrote mine down in two journals that I always take with me to do work, but yours might be at your desk, on your bathroom mirror, or even just on a calendar event on your phone.

Whatever works for you is what works for you. Try a few things if you’re unsure what’ll work.

All that matters is that you have the list now and you can refer back to it.

2. Gather Evidence

If you’re too scared to confront your negative self-beliefs head-on like that, or you have a hard time articulating your feelings—don’t worry. This one’s for you.

Try gathering evidence that opposes your negative self-beliefs. This is an option sent straight from my therapist to you. (Thanks, Pat!)

Here’s how it’s done:

1. Ask your close friends (IRL or online) and/or family members what they think about you. Ask them to be as honest as possible, because you want to know how you truly come across to others.
2. If you have no one to ask, reflect on past experiences when people gave you feedback, whether it was behind your back or straight to your face.
3. Now, ask yourself: How does that make you feel? Do you feel like they’re telling the truth, or does something not sit right within you?

If you notice something isn’t sitting right, that might be one of your negative self-beliefs popping up. But don’t listen to what that inner voice says—that’s the narrative your parents gave you, remember?

3. Sit & Listen

Sometimes there’s nothing to do but sit with your feelings and let them come up.

Yes, that sometimes means crying. Sometimes that means getting angry or feeling hurt by your parents, past partners, or friends. It can also mean simply learning to sit with discomfort for the first time in your life.

Whatever it means for you, don’t worry, this isn’t the last step. Listening to yourself is important (that’s why it was part of gathering evidence, too), but it’s not the only thing you can do.

4. Make Art

Now, before you tell me “I’m not an artist,” I didn’t say make good art. I said make art.

So make bad art. Make horrible art. Make a dumpster fire out of your art supplies.

Because the point of making art isn’t the end product—it’s the journey of taking whatever’s inside of you and getting it out of you.

Here are some ways I’ve made art over the years:

• Journaling
• Writing poetry or a song
• Doodling cats on my phone
• Collaging
• Coloring
• Painting by the number
• Crocheting
• Diamond art
• Making fake business cards (with card stock & sharpies)

Conclusion

By the end of this list, you will not have conquered your negative self-beliefs entirely—sorry.

Conquering negative self-beliefs is a years-long process. They won’t just magically disappear because you gave it one honest go.

But don’t take that as discouragement.

No, rather, take that as a reason to save this blog post and come back to it regularly. And if you know you’ll save it and forget about it by 4 o’clock, set a reminder on your phone to revisit it in a week or two.

Did you do any of the exercises above?

What did you find?