Whenever I tell someone “I have ADHD” things seem to just… go wrong.
It’s never actually my fault or the other person for misunderstanding me, it’s just that: A misunderstanding.
But misunderstandings hold us back in life. They’ve costed me jobs, friends, and other opportunities other people have taken advantage of because they’ve been more capable of communicating their skills and downfalls without grouping it up in what sounds like an excuse on the outside.
So let’s stop that train of communicating before it even starts (again).
Today, we’ll be going over 12 alternatives for “I have ADHD,” what the point of learning alternatives like these is, and when you should use these alternatives.
Let’s jump in!
Key Points
- Learning alternatives to “I have ADHD” is important because not everyone knows what that means, and effective communicating is all about removing confusion.
- Personally, I would never bring up my ADHD in daily conversation with my boss or colleagues—only the people closest to me need to know. But the decision to disclose your ADHD is entirely yours to make.
- A few alternatives to “I have ADHD” include “I can be forgetful,” “I’m an extrovert,” and “I’m very impulsive sometimes.”
- Use these alternatives during job interviews, while meeting someone new, with older generations, or with young kids.
Why Learn Alternatives?
Before we jump into the alternatives, I wanted to take a moment to explain why we need these alternatives in the first place.
There’s many reasons, but the main one is simple: Not everyone knows what “I have ADHD” means.
And when somebody doesn’t truly know what something means, they fill in the blanks with their own assumptions—aka prejudices and stigmas.
I know I don’t have to tell you that stigma against ADHD and all neurodiversity is still very real in today’s world, but in case you needed a reminder, well, there it is.
Secondly, and arguably more importantly, being able to communicate the same thing in many ways improves your communication skills. And as anybody with any neurodivergence, this might be a skill that you struggle with in daily life. So take this as a test course for learning new communication and life skills such as adaptability and rephrasing.
Make sense?
There are plenty of reasons to learn new ways of saying “I have ADHD,” so let’s jump in!
How To Say “I Have ADHD” Without Actually Saying It
Okay, actually, before we immediately jump in, I want to start with a disclaimer here. I personally would never just bring up my ADHD in regular conversation.
There’s a multitude of reasons why—reasons that would make a great blog post sometime soon—but the gist of it is this: Most people don’t care that you’re neurodivergent.
It’s a hard truth to swallow, I know, because you care so much about your neurodivergence. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t! But the harsh truth is that most people only care about themselves and how you can help them achieve their goals. No more, no less.
So when diving into this list, remember that these phrases aren’t just things you drop mid-convo. They’re only tools for you to have in your back pocket for when someone brings up your ADHD without knowing it.
I would say these in response to reactions like:
- Negative feedback given directly to you from a boss or peer
- “Why did you do that?” (Referring to a telltale sign of ADHD.)
- “Why are you so [insert a symptom of ADHD]?”
Of course, this is entirely your own discretion. Just because I don’t disclose my ADHD to everyone doesn’t mean you have to be like me. I fully believe that you know what’s best for your situation and your brain. Always honor what your brain needs.
With that said, let’s finally hop into this list.
1. “I can be forgetful.”
This response is honestly a go-to nearly daily for me. It’s one of my symptoms that comes up most often in relationship with other people, because they (of course) expect me to be able to remember all the little things others seem to be able to remember.
It’s also the symptom I self-support the most through the use of my Google Calendar, to-do lists, talking with my partner, and other external supports.
2. “Sorry, sometimes I get so excited I interrupt on accident.”
This response can be hard to time, because you have to be paying attention to other people’s faces and body language during conversation.
But if you happen to catch somebody showing signs of frustration (furrowed brow, raised upper lip, crossed arms, short responses), you can pull this apology out and hopefully smooth things over.
The key here is to make it a genuine apology. Don’t say sorry in a high tone or fast, say it slowly and try your best to look the person in the eye while saying it. (Difficult, I know.)
3. “I work best with lists.”
This response is for my workers out there! Telling your boss or management how you work best without disclosing your ADHD is a great way to accommodate yourself and get the help you need.
Best of all, asking for a list is a small thing! You don’t have to formally ask for an accommodation like this; almost every boss will want you to excel at your work and would be happy to either write you a list themselves or tell you the list for you to write down on the spot.
4. “I work best around others—not alone.”
Another one for my workers out there. If you work in an office environment or an environment that traditionally thrives on independent work, make sure to let your management and peers know that you work best while around others.
This is covert body doubling, a system of external validation that can encourage you to get more work done in a shorter time span since others are working around you.
5. “Can you send me a calendar invitation?”
This is another daily go-to for me, for the same reason as #1: It’s a way to accommodate your need for reminders.
Again, this is a small ask of anybody. They can do it right then and there, even if they need to add a Zoom link later.
The goal here is to get something on your calendar so you don’t forget. It’s up to you to add reminders the day or week before, so you can come prepared.
6. “I’m an extrovert.”
Even if you’re not an extrovert, this response can help people understand some of your ADHD traits more healthily. It’s basically using their positive stigmas of extroverts to your benefit, even if you’re just hyperactive or combination ADHD.
Note that this response won’t work for inattentive type ADHDers.
7. “I often wait until the pressure’s on to do tasks.”
This response—and honestly the rest of this list—can be a tricky one to get across at the right time, because it could be misinterpreted negatively.
Approach using this response proactively. Don’t wait until you get asked why you aren’t doing your work to respond with this, instead, create timed challenges for yourself or ask a colleague to make a bet with you about how much work you can get done in a day.
This way, you’re showing your boss or parent or roommate that you can create the environment you need to get stuff done—you’re not waiting on somebody else to do that for you.
At work, this will give you major props. In your daily life, it will improve your rate of achieving tasks like chores.
It’s a win-win all around.
8. “I’m very impulsive sometimes.”
This is another tricky response to be careful of. Not everyone thinks impulsivity is a good thing—in fact, in many contexts, it could be considered a bad or even dangerous thing. (Consider things like driving, working in dangerous environments, or even shopping.)
The context to use this response in varies, but in general, use it in situations that aren’t that serious.
For example:
- You said you could do a task before looking at your workload for the day, and need to tell your boss you can’t actually do it
- You made plans with a friend before looking at your Calendar, and realize you actually already have plans at that time
- You told your mom you’d get something for her birthday, but it’s now her birthday and you need to get a present today
In all of these situations, you had been or have to be rather impulsive. It’s best to tell the person why what happened happened, so this response could be enough.
But as always, more explanation may be necessary.
9. “I’m very sensitive.”
Where are all my highly sensitive ADHDers at? I know I’m emotionally unregulated a lot of the time, so this response has come in handy in many situations where I’m expected to be professional or personable.
Luckily, it’s a pretty straight-forward response that most people aren’t going to look down upon. And if they do, well, fuck them.
10. “My style of ‘organized’ looks different.”
I know this one will come in handy for my chaotic organizers reading. Don’t worry, I see you.
This response is good for when people are chastising you for how you keep things in your bedroom or office space. Yes, having clean areas free of trash and food is important to eliminate infestations, but apart from that, keep your areas however you want to keep them, I say!
11. “I’m the type to fidget.”
This is another response for when people are chastising you—either verbally or with their body language (staring, mostly).
Notice how you don’t have to say “sorry” here, like I recommended with interrupting others in #2.
You do not need to apologize for every symptom you have, just the ones that are generally agreed to be rude in neurotypical standards. (Hard to know, I know. Maybe that’s another blog post!)
12. “Can we create a communication plan?”
Finally, a question rather than a statement. This is a great question to ask a boss when you’re worried you won’t get the accommodations you need at work—or you’re too scared to ask for accommodations at all.
Just like #7, being proactive about this conversation is the best approach here. You want to sit down with your boss or partner as soon as you realize some problems are arising—or even before problems arise—so you can work on them together before they get any worse.
Creating a communication is a whole topic in itself, but here’s the basic questions you want to answer:
- How do you communicate best? (Written, face-to-face, phone?)
- How does your boss or partner communicate best?
- What way will you communicate first—always?
- Are there any concerns you have about communicating (like RSD, for example)?
Then, from there, you talk it out and make a plan for how you will communicate with each other moving forward.
When Should I Use These?
So I know I went over my disclaimer not to just blurt out “I’m ADHD!” in mid-conversation, but let’s take this a step further.
You should use these alternatives:
- during job interviews
- when meeting someone for the first time
- with older generations
- with young kids (up to 14 years-old)
Conclusion
At the end of the day, how you choose to disclose your ADHD is entirely up to you.
Take these alternatives with you as tools moving forward in life—not rules you must follow.
Remember: These alternatives are meant to protect you from stigma or confusion while communicating.
If your end goal is to communicate your needs clearly, that’s what these alternatives are for!